Senior Classified Ads

[dan_s]

These are actual ads seen in ''The Villages'' Florida newspaper. Who says seniors don’t have a sense of humor.

*FOXY LADY*
Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty. 80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6').
Searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
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*LONG-TERM COMMITMENT*
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband. Looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot.
Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath? Not a problem.
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*SERENITY NOW*
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga, and meditation. If you are the silent type,
let's get together, take out our hearing aids and enjoy quiet times.
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*WINNING SMILE*
Active grandmother with original teeth, seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the
cob and caramel candy.
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*MEMORIES*
I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.
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*MINT CONDITION*
Male, 1932 model, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea and valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well.
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*AND FINALLY*
A lady in The Villages, in Florida (a senior retirement community), was sitting on a bench, near another bench where a gentleman was sitting.
She asked him if he was new to the community and he said "no, I have owned a condo here for 20 years”.
She said, "I have been here for 15 years and I have never seen you around!”
He said, "I have been in prison for the last 17 years!"
She was stunned, and finally asked him what he had done. He said that he had murdered his first wife!
She was stunned again ... and after a long pause she said ... “So, you're SINGLE???”
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Don't regret growing old, it is a privilege denied to many.